Good evening, friends!  Thank you for reading the Self Help Tips Blog.  With the current economic crisis, change of seasons and weather-related issues currently facing our world, I decided tonight would be a good time for us to discuss how to reduce stress.

Stress has always been a big part of our lives.  It is becoming an all too common occurrence to hear someone complaining about how stressful his or her life has become at school, work or with family. Stressful situations happen no matter what race, nationality, education or whatever status obtained in life.  The stress tension is there no matter where you go, and you cannot just disregard this truth.

The main thing to remember in whatever we choose to do is:  there will always be inevitable factors that will cause pressure and anxiety in our lives.  What we need to focus on are the things that we can control.  Once you have learned the difference between the things that you can control and the things you have no control over, you can focus your time, energy and money in the direction of the things that you can influence.

The following list will give you some advice that you can use to handle the everyday tension caused by stress:

1. Identify what it is that is making you anxious and uneasy. Make a list of all of the things that cause you to experience stress.  Deal immediately with the things that you can change, like getting to work earlier or changing the way you handle work projects.  Then, just forget about the ones that you cannot help, like traffic, parking spaces or the things that are just a part of life.

2. Calm down and get away for a few minutes.  A few-minutes break will do you good.  You can go to the bathroom, wash your face and just start over with a new attitude.  Go reward yourself with a vending snack or early lunch if your work permits it.  Find some relaxing music to listen to on your computer while you work; anything that will give your mind a chance to relax will work.

3. It will be over before you know it.  Do not fall into a trap of being the only one who is constantly reliving the event and causing yourself more stress than is needed.  Know that it will pass and it will be over.  Think of a good thing to do that will make you feel better about yourself.

4. Always look for the cause and triggers.  Every time one happens, write it down and start to look for that common pattern.  If most are work related, it might be time to find a new job or start your own business.  If you have vacation or sick time coming, remember to take it.  There’s nothing like a day or two off to clear the mind.  Keep looking at the list and start to solve the problems that you do have control over.

In the end, there are only two choices: make a change to help with the problem, or accept it and move on with your life.  It’s as simple as that.

Good evening and thank you for reading my Self Help Tips Blog.  Tonight I would like to discuss several ways that you can help a romantic relationship.

Most adults would agree that a regular pattern of sexual intercourse is one of the most important elements for a stable and satisfying romantic relationship.  Research shows that couples who are physically/sexually compatible generally report higher levels of relationship satisfaction, compared to couples who have sexual difficulties.

For men, sexual contact is one of the best methods for creating and maintaining relational closeness. More directly, men will often seek sex as a way of relieving stress, expressing strong feelings, and as a preferred method for connecting.  Most men will agree that they are visually stimulated and able to become aroused quite quickly.

However, for women, sexual contact is much more complex.  Women experience sexual arousal in a more diffuse way than men, meaning that a woman will become aroused through a combination of thoughts, feelings, sights and sounds.  This delicate interplay can mean the difference between "sorry honey, not tonight" and "sorry honey, no way".

While all women, at some point, will decline sexual advances.  The more frequent these denials, the greater the possibility that the woman is experiencing low sexual desire or low libido.  Low libido, in women, is generally defined as a decreased interest or decreased desire for sexual contact as well as difficulty with becoming aroused or climaxing during sex.

As a woman’s level of sexual desire can be influenced by thoughts, feelings, sights, and sounds; it may not be surprising to note that there are multiple reasons why women may experience low libido.

Some of these reasons include extreme stress, sleep deprivation, poor self image, depression and anxiety.  Relationship problems and hormonal difficulties can also lead to low libido.  It’s estimated that approximately 30-40 million women suffer from low libido in the United States.  It is not unreasonable to think that every women will experience it at least once in her life, especially when faced with significant life changes (job loss, financial strain ), physical changes (menopause or weight fluctuations) or sleep deprivation (birth of child, extreme stress).

When a women fears she has low libido, she may feel inadequate or inferior.  These negative feelings can be exacerbated by the media, who often portray a ready, willing and active female as the ideal sexual partner.  Decreased libido can lead to feelings of inadequacy, which can lead to even further decreased sexual interest, leading to more inadequacy- and so on.  This can create a vicious cycle.

Women with low libido may feel pressured or coerced into having sex with their partner, which can lead to resentment and even greater sexual avoidance.  If women are feeling fat or unattractive, they may seek to delay or prevent sexual intimacy so they do not have to feel vulnerable or uncomfortable about their looks.

Taken together, low libido can wreak havoc with an otherwise satisfying and committed relationship.  So, in this situation, what is a couple to do?

The first step is to communicate about the problems.  In a supportive and loving conversation, both partners should be free to express how they feel and what impact the decrease in sexual frequency is having on their relationship.  It is very important to create a climate of mutual concern and respect, and to avoid finger pointing or blaming each other for these sexual problems.

The second step may involve scheduling a medical exam to rule out - or find solutions for - any medical issues which might be contributing to low libido, such as hormonal changes, medications, or physical illnesses and ailments.

The third step would be to find a place of common agreement on sexual frequency within the relationship.  Each partner should recognize that sometimes, intimacy is needed for the relationship as a whole, not just for the individual needs of each member of the couple.  Think about what is best for the relationship, not just what one member would desire or prefer.

Finally, find ways to strengthen the relationship outside of the bedroom.  Talk about dreams, hopes, and desires.  Make plans for the future.  Show affection freely, even when it may not lead to sexual intercourse.  In essence, demonstrate love and caring for each other more often.

When both partners feel safe, nurtured, and cared for, medical conditions have been addressed and there is ongoing conversation and mutual respect, it’s likely that, over time, sexual interest will return and the relationship will be stronger for having survived this experience.

Good afternoon!  Thanks for reading the Self Help Tips Blog.  I apologize for the lack of updates recently, as I have acquired a new job that has been taking up a lot of my time.  Today I would like to share what I have learned over the years about meditation techniques.

"What is meditation? When you empty yourself and let the universe come into you." is the quotation of Yogi Bhajan on the MEDITATIVE TIME box of the "Yogi Tea" brand teas.

Getting into deep meditation is like achieving a state of true freedom. The first step is to release tension. Drinking a nice hot cup of tea can certainly help you relax — especially one that makes you say "mmmm." The best mantra is one that does you rather than you doing it.

"Mmmm" or “Om” is the sound of Perfected Being, toward which meditation can help us evolve. It is symbolized by the Norse Rune Mannaz, which looks like a capital M with an x at the top of the two vertical lines (which represent our legs) instead of a v at the top like our regular M. The center of that x is where polarities converge. On our bodies, that place is the midriff or belly. In the spiritual cosmology of the Norse, that place is Earth or Midgard. You can use a picture of a red (representing fire energy) Mannaz as visual meditation by placing your gaze upon that center.

Focusing your attention on your breath is another relaxing technique. Sit quietly in a comfortable posture and be aware of your breathing. Also, do not just observe your breathing — love every breath you take. Experience the air coming in with your belly expanding and the air going out with the belly contracting. The belly represents your heart, pumping in the blood reddening and enlivening air.

Put more and more awareness on your belly, also called the Hara. After doing that for awhile, try to only focus on your navel. Remember that it was once a cord connected to your mother, your source of life. The belly is where new life is incubated and transformed into a human being. It is the place of unity, origin, manifestation and emanation. It is the Earth, which is the spiritual center of the universe and the crown jewel of creation. It is where all elements integrate. The great thing about being a human is that we can take our consciousness back into the belly and allow the process to develop even further to be born anew.

Just below your navel is where Alchemical Taoism considers your power center, also called the Tan Tien, Cauldron, or Elixir Field. To find it, just move your body forward and back and from side to side while standing in order to feel where your center of gravity is. Once you have found it, be still and put your concentration there. You might even feel heat there. Heat is energy that can both relax and energize you. Energized, you are able to take pleasure in everything you do and every move that you make, just like what people try to achieve by doing Tai Chi.

With its thinking about this and worrying about that, the busy mind can disconnect us to the point where we are ungrounded. So how do you escape from your chaotic head ramblings? The lower belly is where your consciousness can go to get centered, because all powers revolve around the Earth or belly. It is the seat of passion; the substance of life. Everything connects at the center, so it makes sense that if you go to the center, you will be connected. Past, present, and future all become the now. Heaven and Earth merge into one, and all is the paradise of balanced yin and yang, the intercourse of God and Goddess. That is where we go when we are in our deepest sleep. We experience such complete and utter ecstasy that we do not even remember it when we awaken, but we feel the effects by being refreshed and recharged for the new day.

There is a lost parable that neither the highest mountain, nor the deepest sea, nor in the farthest reaches of space will you find the key to paradise. The angels, given the task of deciding where to hide it, did so in our belly. Their thinking was that humans, in their arrogance, would just laugh at the prospect of it being hidden there and would instead spend all their time, intellect, and resources looking everywhere else.

Our bodies are a microcosm of the macrocosm. Going within is how we get to the center of both. We contract into the microcosm where we expand into the macrocosm to experience that our center is everywhere and our circumference is beyond anywhere. Omnipresent with no thought of our separate self, we let the universe take us and we become the universe. We surrender what we were, to become what we were meant to be.

Do you want a demonstration of how to assimilate into the universe? Start by making some tea. When you take the tea bag out of the box and put it in the middle of the boiling water, you get tea (of course).  The herb is infused with the water. If you drink it and it is good, you get a little piece of Nirvana, or joy. You can become infused with the multi-dimensional universe when you put all of yourself into the fiery energy of your belly. If you become good at it, you get big Nirvana. That is meditation — do not be afraid to let it happen.

There was once a church endowed with a magnificent organ. One day after locking up, the sexton heard someone coming up the stairs. It was a straggly looking man who said he had come a long way and asked if he could see the organ. The sexton was afraid and said no, but the man was insistent. After seeing the organ, the man asked if he might please play it. Again the sexton was very reluctant but gave in because of the man’s passion for the instrument that was before him. So the organ got played and from it radiated the most magnificent sounds ever to engorge the sexton’s ears. That musician was the great composer Felix Mendelssohn.

You are the instrument. Meditate and let yourself be played by the Master Musician. That story was just a hint of the beauty that you can experience "when you empty yourself and let the universe come into you."

Good evening, it’s Jeff again from the Self Help Tips Blog.  Thanks for continuing to read my self-help information during these long winter months.  Today I would like to discuss a topic that we have not touched on enough:  Self Esteem.

Everyone feels down now and then.  No one can accomplish everything that they set out to do in life.  In fact, most of us have a hard enough time accomplishing our daily tasks, let alone life-long goals.  As the saying goes, “Too much to do, too little time…”

One thing that we all need to remember is that our self esteem is directly tied to our baseline level of happiness.  Those of us who have low self esteem have a harder time being happy than those who have a high level of self esteem.  In fact, in 1969 psychologist Nathaniel Branden defined self-esteem as "The experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness."  This topic has been discussed by many notable psychologists and philosophers including the Dalai Lama, William James and even television personality Dr. Phil.

Low self esteem has been shown to effect grades, personal relationships, motivation and a number of other aspects of our lives.  Children with low self esteem often become the grade school or neighborhood bully. Although it is not always the case, many adults with low self-worth have been known to become violent, both verbally and physically. 

One of the best ways to conqueror low self esteem is to look back upon your life’s accomplishments.  Each and every one of us has done things throughout our lives that we can be proud of.  Whether it’s having a child, landing a good job, finishing school or helping someone in need, take time to reflect on the things you have accomplished and find the strength and determination within them.  Take pride in the path that you have taken in life and move forward.

Friends and relatives can be another excellent source of pride and inspiration.  Tell your best friend how you feel about yourself.  Let your brother or sister know about the hard times that you are facing.  Chances are, they will remind you of a time in the past when you were on top of the world, ready to face any challenge that life threw at you.  Your friends and family know that you are a good person and will be able to give you examples of why you are one.

Possibly the best place that I have found words of encouragement when it comes to self esteem is through holy texts.  Sit down with a book such as the Bible, the Koran, the Tao or a host of other religious teachings.  It doesn’t matter whether you believe the entire book… the point is that these books are meant to be a source of guidance and inspiration.  Trust me… they do an excellent job.  They wouldn’t have survived thousands of years of scrutiny if they didn’t.

For those who are unable to lift themselves out of the depths of depression caused by low self-esteem, I highly recommend seeing a professional.  No one should have to go through life feeling as though it is not worth living, or that they are not good enough.  You ARE good enough for your friends, family, community and – most importantly – yourself.